Whirlwind

Well the last week and a half have flown by. I seriously am in shock that today is Friday. Crazy.

Well last week I ended up skipping the class that I wrote about last time. Kristin was visiting and I was in a good mood, and did not want that to be squelched due to class...so I didn't go. I ended up staying home and getting lots of homework done. So it was not in vain.

Then the next day I went to class and my friend told me that I had not missed anything except that a classmate had gone to talk to our prof about the frustration that is occurring in the class so they began a discussion about what we were all feeling. So that was a step in the write direction. Then yesterday I went to the class and the first hour was a survey about our feelings on the class, and a discussion about how things could change. So I am hopeful that I will soon no longer dread going to school on Thursdays.

This semester I am taking a class outside of the school of Social Work as well. As some of you know, last year especially I struggled with how the school of social work talks so much about the inclusivity of cultures/beliefs that it excludes people like monotheists. Anyways, the class that I am taking outside of the school of social work deals with the role of culture in health practices. We somehow started to talk about faith, and the role that plays in culture. I was expecting history to repeat itself and for Christianity to be generalized into "all things George W stands for" and to be portrayed as the enemy of all things loving. Thankfully however,it did not go that way. I walked away from that class excited about what I had just experienced. After our discussion the group debriefed about our conversation and what we found was that for most of us it was the first time we had all been in a conversation with people from all different faith backgrounds where no one felt attacked, no one was getting defensive,and people genuinely really wanted to gain more understanding from each other and were respectful while doing it. It was such a rewarding experience for me...I can not really put into words what it was like.

But I think that it was by far the biggest "Surprise me God" moment that I have experienced so far in my 11 day experiment.

Life is full of surprises

Yesterday my small group read the first chapter in "Surprise Me: A 30-Day Faith Experiment" by Terry Esau. The purpose of the experiement is to just be intentional in looking for God, or what God may be saying to you in every day life. I'm starting this experiement today, and part of what I will be doing is jotting down what I have been learning along the way. Now sadly I will not be able to journal/blog daily but I will do my best to write semi-regularly.

So today was day one. I must say that when I started to look back upon my day nothing was really standing out. But then it hit me. The last three weeks I have been struggling with this one class I have. It is a horrible class. I struggle to find one positive thing about it, and I find that when I talk, think, or go to this class I get a terrible unattractive attitude. I really don't like it at all. So last night I came to my small group and asked them to pray about it with me. Then today I went on with my day, and was at my internship when someone asked me about my classes. Soon I found myself going off about this horrible class, and suddenly I felt this heaviness coming over me...if I were a cartoon character there would have been a dark rain cloud directly over my head.

Anyways, it was shortly after that that I realized I needed to stop obsessing over this class (primarily because I don't like obsessive Heather). So I think what I learned from the day was another lesson on trusting God...becase last night I, along with a group of friends, casted my burden of this class to God and I need to trust that he has it all under control.

The End.

Beady Little Eyes

Last year, there was a coffee shop in Minneapolis that we would often frequent on our study group nights that often showcases photography or painting by local artists. There was one photographer who took all these pictures of squirrels. Some were close ups...others were a little further away. None the less I couldn't sit directly under or across from the photos because the squirrels really freaked me out with their beady little eyes.

Then in August, Amy and I moved to Minneapolis. The townhome complex that we live in has a large squirrel population. I think it has something to do with the fact that some of our neighbors have squirrel feeders and such. These squirrels didn't seem to bother me when we first moved in. I actually found myself intrigued by this one albino squirrel that is always around. This changed however Wednesday morning when I was leaving for work and was nearly attacked by a squirrel (not the albino one).

He was standing outside my back door eating some food off a wrapper. When I opened the door I was startled because he was sitting so close to where I was standing. But then I just figured he would go away. But he didn't. Instead he got closer...and closer...and even closer. He was mere inches from my foot. I told him to go away but that just spurred him on, and he started to move his hand closer to my foot. I was so flustered at this point that I was struggling to lock my door, and was trying to decide if I should go back inside and wait for him to leave. But then I thought...what if he got inside? That would be even worse. So I finshed locking the door and ran (literally sprinted) to my car. I threw my stuff into the car and looked outside and he wasn't there. So I got out to scrape my windsheild and a few seconds later I looked over and there the squirrel was again. I verbally told him to not even think about coming closer...and this time he listened. But I am still kinda freaked out.

The Sun Will Come Out...

Tomorrow I start class.

That about sums it up.

Almost Famous

On Friday night my church, Bluer, was featured on ABC Nightline as part of a segment looking at the Emergent Church movement. There were a few comments that made me chuckle, as I didn't really agree with them, however overall I would say it was a success. The clip is able to be seen on Bluer's website or by simply clicking here.

I am embarrassed all over again

So many have requested that I share the car wash story with you. I am willing to do so, however, please realize that while I am typing this I am once again experiencing the "sick to my stomach" feeling that I experienced when the incident first occurred.

It was 2001. I had lived in Morgan Hill, CA for a little over a month. I was 22 years old. It was the first time I lived so far away from my parents, that I had to be the one to do the responsible thing and bring my car through the car wash. So that is what I did.

I went to the local Shell Station. It was located in a very busy parking lot. Across the parking lot was Target, and Albertsons (grocery store chain), to the right of the Shell Station car wash was the blockbuster. So as you may be able to picture this was a very busy place.

I had filled up with gas, and after I swiped my credit card it asked me if I wanted a car wash for 4 extra dollars. I thought it sounded like the responsible thing to do...so I pushed yes. I then took my receipt and got in my car and headed to the car wash. There were curbs on either sides of the drive way that led up to the car wash, and there was a rather sharp curve in the drive way as well. I had just taken this curve and was noticing that the car wash entrance door was down and that there was no attendant outside to open the door (there always had been at the local car wash my parents went to in Willmar) so I started to wonder, "How do I get the door open, no one knows I bought the car wash, was I suppose to go inside and tell someone?" I decided that yes, I should go inside and tell someone. So I started to back up.

Now anyone who knows my driving ability, knows that backing up has never been my strong suit. So when I started to take the curve backing up, I was not surprised that I went up the curb. I was however surprised that my passenger side back wheel was stuck in this nicely landscaped median. So much so that my car was tilting, which we all know is not good. So I went inside and told the person working there. He of course had no clue what to do. So after some discussion I decided that I would call AAA..and they assured me that they would send a tow truck.

However when I got to my car I soon realized that there was now a long line of people who were waiting to get their cars washed but they were unable to due to the fact that my car was blocking the narrow driveway. There were also people coming over from blockbuster and people going to and from Target/Albertsons driving really slowly so that they could assess the situation. A rather large man wearing steel toed boots was yelling at me...other people were shaking their heads..and well I just wanted to disappear. The steel toed guy then asked for my keys...I gladly gave them to him. He rolled down my windows, and then the large angry mob of men who were waiting to get their cars washed lifted my car out of the median.

It was then that the steel toed ring leader gruffly pointed out a silver box by the car wash entrance that I had not seen before. He then said...now punch in your code you have on your receipt and go through the wash. I was pretty much in panic mode at this point, so I got in my car and did just as he said.

Only I soon realized that I was getting wet. You see, I was in such a frantic mindset that I forgot to roll up the windows. So I finally got those closed and decided that their was no time to wait for the blow-drying of the vehicle so I sped away and vowed never to bring my car their again. As I was pulling away I saw the AAA tow truck turning the corner. Oops.

The sad thing was that I had no choice but to go to that gas station. The group home I was working at had a shell card, so that is where I had to go to fill up our van. I however like to think that the gas station attendant never recognized me because I never went back there with my car.

So there you have it.

It's been a while since I've played tag

I (and my blog) have been tagged by my friend Cristina. Not tagged as in graffiti (although she is an artist who could do graffiti)but tagged as in "you're it" kind of way. Since she has tagged me I must share 5 things that you may not know about me...and then I get to tag 5 other people. So here I go.

1. In grade school my friend Anne and I would schedule time in our days to get together and write songs. The first song that I remember us completing and then performing was a children's praise and worship song entitled "The Birds are Singing in the Morning". It required both of us to sing solos...and we still remember it and sing it to her 14 month old baby. Here are the lyrics...be ready to be amazed.

Anne (A): The birds are singing in the morning
Heather (H): Morning
Repeat 1 time

H: The crickets are singing in the night
A: Night
Repeat 1 time

Together: God made them so we should appreciate them. Appreciate them...Yeah!

They just don't write songs like that anymore.

2. As a child I refused to eat pizza. I hated it. In Jr. High I soon realized that eating pizza was imperative if I was going to belong to any social circle so I learned to eat it. I now have no problem eating it, but it still isn't something that I love, crave, or order at a restaurant (unless we are at an all pizza place or I am at home and am too lazy to cook so I need something to be delivered to my door).

3. The first play I was ever in was a reenactment of the first Christmas. I was in second grade so we did not audition for parts, instead our parts were chosen by having our names drawn from a hat. I played the part of the donkey that Mary rode on her way to Bethlehem. I wore an old tanish-brown velour sweatshirt that used to be my dads and my brother made donkey ears out of construction paper and then we glued them to a headband for me to wear. I played the part convincingly.

4. Due to a horrendous car wash incident in Morgan Hill, California I no longer go through car washes by myself.

5. I have recurring dreams where I find myself walking into the unlocked homes of people I don't know. Once I am in there, I am nervous that someone is going to find me and I am going to get in trouble. Inevitably at least one person is home, and I spend the rest of the dream trying to get out of their home without them seeing me. I then wake up all anxious. It should be noted that the majority of my dreams have soundtracks.

So that is it..now I get to tag 5 people

-Amy
-Anna
-Bridget
-Melody
and
-Kandi

You're it!

Celebrate good times, Come on!

Well my annual night of wearing a sparkley shirt and drinking cold duck has passed, and it was a success. I spent New Years enjoying the company of many friends, and playing with my new digital camera.

Then on the first my blog celebrated its 100th visit. The fact that I even figured out how to add the counter to my blog is reason enough to celebrate, but now that I have rendered 100 hits it is even more fun!

Another event to celebrate occurred today. I successfully led my first poetry lab group for 5 Emotional/Behavioral Disordered (EBD) middle school youth. Last semester I co-lead a group with my field instructor so I saw first hand what the group was about, earned about group dynamics, and the group formation process. However I had never facilitated a group all by myself with kids I had never met before. So I was really nervous for today, especially since it was going to be their first day back from winter break, and I lead my group first period. But the kids were great. They jumped right in, I couldn't have asked for better behavior, and when we did our final check in at the end of the group they all said that they had fun, and wanted to come back next week. So yeah! Last semester we had a wonderful first group too, but then the second group was crazy...so hopefully history won't repeat itself.

There's no place like home for the holidays

About a week ago my Grandma fell and has had excruciating pain in her hip ever since. She refused to go to the doctor because her doctor is on vacation until after Christmas. However the day before Christmas Eve the pain was so bad that she finally relented and let my brother and mom bring her to the ER where they found out she just had a really bad bruise and put her on Vicadin.

Christmas Eve morning Mark and I drove to Willmar. My parents were both working; my brother was at their home when we arrived but he was not looking very good. He told me that he hasn't been able to keep anything down all morning and had this unbearable pain in his stomach. A few minutes later he and I took a little trip to the ER. Mark stayed home to wrap the presents my brother hadn't been able to wrap for himself.

When my dad got off work he came to the ER, he then told me that mom had just heard from Grandma and she thinks she is having an allergic reaction to the Vicadin because she too can't keep any food down, and is shaking uncontrollably. We then decided that dad should stay with Cam, and I should go help grandma since she needed some water and couldn't move from her bed.

It is at this point that it should be noted that I never once even considered being a nurse...not even as a child. If I see people throwing up I feel the need to do the same, blood makes me queasy, and seeing a needle pushes me over the edge of sanity. I did make some improvement in this area a couple of years ago when my dad was battling cancer. I took some time off of work to be his in home nurse...and so I have become a little more comfortable with the medical field and caregiving. I was not however prepared for the situation that I walked into next.

My Grandma is 87. She lives on her own in an independent living facility which is basically like a college dorm for the elderly. She still cooks and bakes her award winning cuisine, she entertains, and goes and visits the elderly in nursing homes (even though many of the people she is visiting are younger then her). She has a quick wit that takes so many people off guard. For example when she was in the ER the other night the nurse asked her if she was taking any illegal substances, grandma quipped back with "No, I only sell them". When I walked in her apartment on Christmas Eve however, I saw my grandma how I never had before. She was shaking so violently that when I got her a glass of water she couldn't hold it, I needed to try to control the shaking of her head long enough so that she could get the water in her mouth. Thankfully a few minutes later my mom called to say she was on her way over and that she had talked to the on-call physician who told her that Grandma was indeed showing symptoms of an allergic reaction to the Vicadin. So we gave her some benadryl and after she got sick a couple more times she was able to rest comfortably and was feeling much better the next day.

Meanwhile my brother was still in the ER. He was having blood work done, had x-rays of his abdomen taken, and then finally a CAT scan. In the end it appears that he had a kidney stone that he passed. So he was able to some home and rest/celebrate with us after all.

So now the day after Christmas I am glad to report that everyone is on the mend. Christmas was a little more eventful then I had initially thought it would be, however it was not ruined. I had time with loved ones. We had a lot of laughs, and now we have some great stories to reminisce about at a later date.

The Falleness of Dream World

So I have come to the realization that I have an over-active imagination. I create these romanticized ideas of how my life, or events I am going to experience will play out. History has shown me that because of this I often set myself up for disappointment. However for some reason this consequence does not prevent me from participating in dream world again.

This scenario has most recently occurred in my thinking about winter break. In my mind it would be a time filled with one activity after another. Through this menagerie of activities two main goals would be accomplished:
A) I would do things I wouldn't usually be able to participate in because of school and
B) I would thoroughly enjoy these activities because I am not thinking about the 101 other things I should be doing for class.

Now realistically I know that my friends have lives. They work during the day. And believe it or not...they aren't out EVERY night doing fun and exciting things. Sometimes they are just watching TV, going grocery shopping, or doing laundry. However when I imagined what this Christmas break would look like for me,those things weren't really part of the equation. I found myself totally unprepared for all the alone/down time I am experiencing during break. Realistically I should have been prepared for it, but my mind was seeing a completely different scenario playing out.

Although my break has not really taken the whimsical and fancy free form I had initially imagined it has been very relaxing and I have managed to meet my two goals without the wall to wall activities. I mean I have enjoyed being able to hang out with my friends without having to think about the list of school related things I should be doing instead, and I have been able to participate in all of the activities that have been planned which I likely wouldn't be able to do if school was in session. So to update you on what I have been doing so far on my Christmas break I have complied a list of some of the highlights thus far which include seeing Narnia, baking cookies with my small group, caroling with with my small group, attending my first ever Holidazzle followed by strolling through the Cinderella exhibit with Jess and my new fav neighbor, eating delicious food while in the company of my church family at our annual Christmas feast, and going to the Y with Anna for my first work out in months.

Now I'm Free... to do what I want...any old time

Okay so maybe the title isn't 100% accurate as I still have a job..but from now until January 3rd I am free from the burden of homework. I even finished my internship for the semester earlier today. Then on January 3 I start my internship again, only this time I am no longer co-leading a poetry group for 6 Emotional/Behavioral Disordered youth...instead I will be leading the group. So that will be a very fun and exciting new adventure. Then mid-january I will begin my final semester of graduate school. Yippee!!! Let the fun begin!

How Well Do You Know Me?

Hey, Melody and Jen created tests to see how well we know them...so I thought I would do the same. Check it out.
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

I saw the light

I know, I know I am posting like a fiend these days. But I have actually been venturing out into the world these past few days so I have things to write about. Like tonight for instance.

I have now attended David Crowder Band concerts in 3 states. In 2001 I saw them in Santa Cruz California..that is where my love for them began. Then in 2003 I saw them in Michigan...that is where I actually met David and had him take a picture with me and Kristin Doll. Then Tonight I saw him in MN..and I must say I think it was the best concert of them all here are the reasons why.

1) Wonderful seats...Mark got us ones that were in the 5th row.

2)Wonderful seats...we were right in front of my fav non-David band member Jason Solley. A rockstar if I have ever seen one. I was a big fan of his silver glitter Guitar. I have always been a firm believer that glitter makes you pretty and it worked for him.

3)Prior to the show I had mentioned to Mark about how I hoped he (David) was wearing Melanie and my fav shirt of his. It is a yellow vintage Santa Cruz polo-esque shirt. Melanie once met him in 2002 and mentioned how wonderful we thought the shirt was, and he informed her that it was his favorite as well..so when he did indeed walk out sporting the shirt I smiled.

4)Musically it was by far the best I have heard them, they were full of energy, and were having so much fun on stage and it radiated into the audience. So much so that I found myself dancing and singing to the blue grass tunes they did during there encore. Now for any of you who know me well...you know that it had to be an amazing concert in order for me to do such a thing...especially all while smiling:).

Yes, it was indeed a good night.

Couple Skate

So this past Saturday a bunch of us went roller skating. This wasn't just any old roller skating either...it was Christian Contemporary Music Night. I had built up this wonderful mental picture of dancing around the rink to Amy Grant singing "Baby, Baby" and then slowing it down a bit with a little "Place in this world" by MWS. I even brought some body glitter to put on my eyes for the special occasion.

When we were walking in they were playing Carmen...so I knew it was going to be a night to remember. Sadly however, the songs came and went and there was not a single flash back to my Jr. High years. They did however play Jesus Freak...so I was able to get down with the DC Talk...d.d.down with the DC Talk and believe me I was flowin'like a bottle of Drain-O.

So although the night did not play out exactly how I had imagined. It was lots of fun...and I am sure it will be repeated again sometime. And when it does happen again I will ask them if they happen to have my favorite roller Skating themed song done by a Christian Artist....Couple Skate by Joe Christmas. I love thinking back to the songs of yester year.

The downward spiral

I have begun the downward spiral of complacency when it comes to my schooling. Last year I never missed a class, and was all about straight A's.
This year I am taking one class pass fail, in another class I have chosen not to do an optional paper that is required if you want an "A".
And today I am skipping not one...but two classes.
Downward spiral here I come.

The act of swaddling

It has been almost a year since my pseudo-niece Emma was born. I remember visiting her in the hospital and Anne telling me that Paul had mastered the art of swaddling emma tightly in her blanket. I remember thinking that being swaddled tightly in a blanket did not seem really appealing to me, I would feel far too cloistered.

Last night I was transported back to that day in the hospital. I was at church and we sang, "Arms of Love". A song that I have sang so many times, a song that we don't usually sing at Bluer, but a song that suddenly impacted me greatly. I was singing the part of the chorus that says, "In your arms of love, holding me still, holding me near" when it suddenly made sense why Emma would like the feeling of being swaddled by her father.

In my child development class we talked about how babies can easily get overwhelmed by what is going on in the environment around. And since they do not have the ability to look away, or to remove themselves from the distraction one way in which a parent can help sooth them is to swaddle them in a blanket, or to hold them closely to themselves so that the child can feel their limbs close to their body. This act of being held tightly soothes the child and they are able to relax.

Like babies, I sometimes find myself so overwhelmed by what is going on in my environment. My attention is split between a myriad of things. I find myself getting stressed as I am distracted by both positive and negative events in my life..school, financial issues, car issues, obligations, social activities. I am literally in sensory overload, however unlike Emma there are times when I don't let my father swaddle me. He is there ready to "hold me still, and hold me near" so that all the distractions can be whisked away as I rest in his arms and allow Him to be my refuge.
Thankfully, I can change that at any time. My father is there ready to swaddle me, and ready to let me rest in his arms of love.

photos

I love pictures. My room is filled with picture frames,and I have tons of albums. So that being said, Go check out Kandi's photo's of the progressive dinner.

Communal Living

Back in the day my friend Kristin and I talked about joining a commune. The idea of living in community just like the people in Acts is so intriguing. Well needless to say we never did join a commune (yet-at least) but I last night it felt like I had.
You see in the last few months 4 groups of people from my church have moved into the same townhouse complex, and to celebrate we had a progressive house warming dinner party. The final count was that over 30 people from our church community came. It was a blast. Jess provided homemade salsa and guacamole with chips for appetizer, Amy and I provided salad, Luke and Kari had enchiladas and beans, Mark and Nick had made a version of Luke's famous cheesecake. It was great to have so many people there together hanging out, eating some good food, and just enjoying each others company.
I know Nick's camera was circulating so with any luck I'll have some fun photos to post soon.

Memories

A few weeks ago, my car (known mostly as Rac Edrocnoc) broke down on the side of the road. At that time I was hit with the reality, that there was a chance that this was where our journey was going to end.

Thankfully however, our journey has not ended there, and she now up and running. But during that time I found myself thinking about how sad it will be when I do need to say good-bye to her.

Rac Edrocnoc is a '93 Chrysler Concorde. When we got her she was the envy of the many people. Seriously, people would stop my parents in the parking lot just to ask them questions about her. (this hasn't happened lately-which I think is due partly to her debilitating leprosy looking disease) She was the car I learned to drive in, I took my drivers test in her...both times:).

Since that time we have been through a lot together. We have lived in Iowa, California, and Michigan. We have driven through white out conditions (a couple of times), hydro-planed together, and even had a car washing experience together which went sour, resulting in her being lifted by an angry mob.

Ah yes, it has been a journey full of surprises and new experiences. What can I say...I love nostalgia.

I'm back in the game

Okay, so I am still getting used to this whole blogging thing. This last week I haven't written a thing, partially because I have been busy, but primarily because I haven't a clue what to write. The whole grad school student life...kinda dull.

However true that is, there is something that I have been learning about lately that I am really enjoying. As I said in my first post, I am interning in a project called the poetry lab, so in order to do this well I am trying to submerse myself in the culture of poetry...I am reading it, writing it, learning about how it is used in therapy, as well as how it is used to educate others on what is going on in the world.

Tonight, I watched a short video on spoken word. Called "The Poetry Lounge: self expression through the spoken word". These people speak elequently, using rhythms, rhymes, alliterations, repetition, and intonations in ways that caused me to sit up and listen to all they had to say. Their messages dealt with issues such as racism, sense of self,community,& body-image. It was all so powerful, and inspirational. Causing me to reflect on the power of words. I mean, I use words everyday...however do I use them in a way that encourages, inspires, &/or challeges people like the words I heard tonight do?

So those are my thoughts. If you want more info on spoken word/poetry here are a few sights to check out

Poetic License

Minnesota Spoken Word Association

Poetry Slam, Inc.