There's no place like home for the holidays

About a week ago my Grandma fell and has had excruciating pain in her hip ever since. She refused to go to the doctor because her doctor is on vacation until after Christmas. However the day before Christmas Eve the pain was so bad that she finally relented and let my brother and mom bring her to the ER where they found out she just had a really bad bruise and put her on Vicadin.

Christmas Eve morning Mark and I drove to Willmar. My parents were both working; my brother was at their home when we arrived but he was not looking very good. He told me that he hasn't been able to keep anything down all morning and had this unbearable pain in his stomach. A few minutes later he and I took a little trip to the ER. Mark stayed home to wrap the presents my brother hadn't been able to wrap for himself.

When my dad got off work he came to the ER, he then told me that mom had just heard from Grandma and she thinks she is having an allergic reaction to the Vicadin because she too can't keep any food down, and is shaking uncontrollably. We then decided that dad should stay with Cam, and I should go help grandma since she needed some water and couldn't move from her bed.

It is at this point that it should be noted that I never once even considered being a nurse...not even as a child. If I see people throwing up I feel the need to do the same, blood makes me queasy, and seeing a needle pushes me over the edge of sanity. I did make some improvement in this area a couple of years ago when my dad was battling cancer. I took some time off of work to be his in home nurse...and so I have become a little more comfortable with the medical field and caregiving. I was not however prepared for the situation that I walked into next.

My Grandma is 87. She lives on her own in an independent living facility which is basically like a college dorm for the elderly. She still cooks and bakes her award winning cuisine, she entertains, and goes and visits the elderly in nursing homes (even though many of the people she is visiting are younger then her). She has a quick wit that takes so many people off guard. For example when she was in the ER the other night the nurse asked her if she was taking any illegal substances, grandma quipped back with "No, I only sell them". When I walked in her apartment on Christmas Eve however, I saw my grandma how I never had before. She was shaking so violently that when I got her a glass of water she couldn't hold it, I needed to try to control the shaking of her head long enough so that she could get the water in her mouth. Thankfully a few minutes later my mom called to say she was on her way over and that she had talked to the on-call physician who told her that Grandma was indeed showing symptoms of an allergic reaction to the Vicadin. So we gave her some benadryl and after she got sick a couple more times she was able to rest comfortably and was feeling much better the next day.

Meanwhile my brother was still in the ER. He was having blood work done, had x-rays of his abdomen taken, and then finally a CAT scan. In the end it appears that he had a kidney stone that he passed. So he was able to some home and rest/celebrate with us after all.

So now the day after Christmas I am glad to report that everyone is on the mend. Christmas was a little more eventful then I had initially thought it would be, however it was not ruined. I had time with loved ones. We had a lot of laughs, and now we have some great stories to reminisce about at a later date.

The Falleness of Dream World

So I have come to the realization that I have an over-active imagination. I create these romanticized ideas of how my life, or events I am going to experience will play out. History has shown me that because of this I often set myself up for disappointment. However for some reason this consequence does not prevent me from participating in dream world again.

This scenario has most recently occurred in my thinking about winter break. In my mind it would be a time filled with one activity after another. Through this menagerie of activities two main goals would be accomplished:
A) I would do things I wouldn't usually be able to participate in because of school and
B) I would thoroughly enjoy these activities because I am not thinking about the 101 other things I should be doing for class.

Now realistically I know that my friends have lives. They work during the day. And believe it or not...they aren't out EVERY night doing fun and exciting things. Sometimes they are just watching TV, going grocery shopping, or doing laundry. However when I imagined what this Christmas break would look like for me,those things weren't really part of the equation. I found myself totally unprepared for all the alone/down time I am experiencing during break. Realistically I should have been prepared for it, but my mind was seeing a completely different scenario playing out.

Although my break has not really taken the whimsical and fancy free form I had initially imagined it has been very relaxing and I have managed to meet my two goals without the wall to wall activities. I mean I have enjoyed being able to hang out with my friends without having to think about the list of school related things I should be doing instead, and I have been able to participate in all of the activities that have been planned which I likely wouldn't be able to do if school was in session. So to update you on what I have been doing so far on my Christmas break I have complied a list of some of the highlights thus far which include seeing Narnia, baking cookies with my small group, caroling with with my small group, attending my first ever Holidazzle followed by strolling through the Cinderella exhibit with Jess and my new fav neighbor, eating delicious food while in the company of my church family at our annual Christmas feast, and going to the Y with Anna for my first work out in months.

Now I'm Free... to do what I want...any old time

Okay so maybe the title isn't 100% accurate as I still have a job..but from now until January 3rd I am free from the burden of homework. I even finished my internship for the semester earlier today. Then on January 3 I start my internship again, only this time I am no longer co-leading a poetry group for 6 Emotional/Behavioral Disordered youth...instead I will be leading the group. So that will be a very fun and exciting new adventure. Then mid-january I will begin my final semester of graduate school. Yippee!!! Let the fun begin!

How Well Do You Know Me?

Hey, Melody and Jen created tests to see how well we know them...so I thought I would do the same. Check it out.
Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

I saw the light

I know, I know I am posting like a fiend these days. But I have actually been venturing out into the world these past few days so I have things to write about. Like tonight for instance.

I have now attended David Crowder Band concerts in 3 states. In 2001 I saw them in Santa Cruz California..that is where my love for them began. Then in 2003 I saw them in Michigan...that is where I actually met David and had him take a picture with me and Kristin Doll. Then Tonight I saw him in MN..and I must say I think it was the best concert of them all here are the reasons why.

1) Wonderful seats...Mark got us ones that were in the 5th row.

2)Wonderful seats...we were right in front of my fav non-David band member Jason Solley. A rockstar if I have ever seen one. I was a big fan of his silver glitter Guitar. I have always been a firm believer that glitter makes you pretty and it worked for him.

3)Prior to the show I had mentioned to Mark about how I hoped he (David) was wearing Melanie and my fav shirt of his. It is a yellow vintage Santa Cruz polo-esque shirt. Melanie once met him in 2002 and mentioned how wonderful we thought the shirt was, and he informed her that it was his favorite as well..so when he did indeed walk out sporting the shirt I smiled.

4)Musically it was by far the best I have heard them, they were full of energy, and were having so much fun on stage and it radiated into the audience. So much so that I found myself dancing and singing to the blue grass tunes they did during there encore. Now for any of you who know me well...you know that it had to be an amazing concert in order for me to do such a thing...especially all while smiling:).

Yes, it was indeed a good night.

Couple Skate

So this past Saturday a bunch of us went roller skating. This wasn't just any old roller skating either...it was Christian Contemporary Music Night. I had built up this wonderful mental picture of dancing around the rink to Amy Grant singing "Baby, Baby" and then slowing it down a bit with a little "Place in this world" by MWS. I even brought some body glitter to put on my eyes for the special occasion.

When we were walking in they were playing Carmen...so I knew it was going to be a night to remember. Sadly however, the songs came and went and there was not a single flash back to my Jr. High years. They did however play Jesus Freak...so I was able to get down with the DC Talk...d.d.down with the DC Talk and believe me I was flowin'like a bottle of Drain-O.

So although the night did not play out exactly how I had imagined. It was lots of fun...and I am sure it will be repeated again sometime. And when it does happen again I will ask them if they happen to have my favorite roller Skating themed song done by a Christian Artist....Couple Skate by Joe Christmas. I love thinking back to the songs of yester year.

The downward spiral

I have begun the downward spiral of complacency when it comes to my schooling. Last year I never missed a class, and was all about straight A's.
This year I am taking one class pass fail, in another class I have chosen not to do an optional paper that is required if you want an "A".
And today I am skipping not one...but two classes.
Downward spiral here I come.

The act of swaddling

It has been almost a year since my pseudo-niece Emma was born. I remember visiting her in the hospital and Anne telling me that Paul had mastered the art of swaddling emma tightly in her blanket. I remember thinking that being swaddled tightly in a blanket did not seem really appealing to me, I would feel far too cloistered.

Last night I was transported back to that day in the hospital. I was at church and we sang, "Arms of Love". A song that I have sang so many times, a song that we don't usually sing at Bluer, but a song that suddenly impacted me greatly. I was singing the part of the chorus that says, "In your arms of love, holding me still, holding me near" when it suddenly made sense why Emma would like the feeling of being swaddled by her father.

In my child development class we talked about how babies can easily get overwhelmed by what is going on in the environment around. And since they do not have the ability to look away, or to remove themselves from the distraction one way in which a parent can help sooth them is to swaddle them in a blanket, or to hold them closely to themselves so that the child can feel their limbs close to their body. This act of being held tightly soothes the child and they are able to relax.

Like babies, I sometimes find myself so overwhelmed by what is going on in my environment. My attention is split between a myriad of things. I find myself getting stressed as I am distracted by both positive and negative events in my life..school, financial issues, car issues, obligations, social activities. I am literally in sensory overload, however unlike Emma there are times when I don't let my father swaddle me. He is there ready to "hold me still, and hold me near" so that all the distractions can be whisked away as I rest in his arms and allow Him to be my refuge.
Thankfully, I can change that at any time. My father is there ready to swaddle me, and ready to let me rest in his arms of love.

photos

I love pictures. My room is filled with picture frames,and I have tons of albums. So that being said, Go check out Kandi's photo's of the progressive dinner.

Communal Living

Back in the day my friend Kristin and I talked about joining a commune. The idea of living in community just like the people in Acts is so intriguing. Well needless to say we never did join a commune (yet-at least) but I last night it felt like I had.
You see in the last few months 4 groups of people from my church have moved into the same townhouse complex, and to celebrate we had a progressive house warming dinner party. The final count was that over 30 people from our church community came. It was a blast. Jess provided homemade salsa and guacamole with chips for appetizer, Amy and I provided salad, Luke and Kari had enchiladas and beans, Mark and Nick had made a version of Luke's famous cheesecake. It was great to have so many people there together hanging out, eating some good food, and just enjoying each others company.
I know Nick's camera was circulating so with any luck I'll have some fun photos to post soon.

Memories

A few weeks ago, my car (known mostly as Rac Edrocnoc) broke down on the side of the road. At that time I was hit with the reality, that there was a chance that this was where our journey was going to end.

Thankfully however, our journey has not ended there, and she now up and running. But during that time I found myself thinking about how sad it will be when I do need to say good-bye to her.

Rac Edrocnoc is a '93 Chrysler Concorde. When we got her she was the envy of the many people. Seriously, people would stop my parents in the parking lot just to ask them questions about her. (this hasn't happened lately-which I think is due partly to her debilitating leprosy looking disease) She was the car I learned to drive in, I took my drivers test in her...both times:).

Since that time we have been through a lot together. We have lived in Iowa, California, and Michigan. We have driven through white out conditions (a couple of times), hydro-planed together, and even had a car washing experience together which went sour, resulting in her being lifted by an angry mob.

Ah yes, it has been a journey full of surprises and new experiences. What can I say...I love nostalgia.

I'm back in the game

Okay, so I am still getting used to this whole blogging thing. This last week I haven't written a thing, partially because I have been busy, but primarily because I haven't a clue what to write. The whole grad school student life...kinda dull.

However true that is, there is something that I have been learning about lately that I am really enjoying. As I said in my first post, I am interning in a project called the poetry lab, so in order to do this well I am trying to submerse myself in the culture of poetry...I am reading it, writing it, learning about how it is used in therapy, as well as how it is used to educate others on what is going on in the world.

Tonight, I watched a short video on spoken word. Called "The Poetry Lounge: self expression through the spoken word". These people speak elequently, using rhythms, rhymes, alliterations, repetition, and intonations in ways that caused me to sit up and listen to all they had to say. Their messages dealt with issues such as racism, sense of self,community,& body-image. It was all so powerful, and inspirational. Causing me to reflect on the power of words. I mean, I use words everyday...however do I use them in a way that encourages, inspires, &/or challeges people like the words I heard tonight do?

So those are my thoughts. If you want more info on spoken word/poetry here are a few sights to check out

Poetic License

Minnesota Spoken Word Association

Poetry Slam, Inc.

Connect the dots..la la la la

Last night during the sermon at Bluer, I found myself playing musical connect-the- dots in my head. John spoke of God's amazing love, and about how we (His people) need to be conduits of his love for the world to experience. Below you can read the how the sound track to his message played in my head.

Love Me Like You Do (So Amazing)

by Scott Keller from the Vineyard Dwell Album

God of Glory you have made all things, all things

Who am I that you would think of me, of me

For you made the earth, you made the stars

Yet you know my name, you know my heart

You're always there, you're never far away

So amazing as you paint the sky

So amazing, makes me wonder why

You love me like you do

You love me like you do

That you love me like you do

So amazing, so amazing

I see the birds ride on the winds, they fly so high

Mountain peaks so tall they seem to touch the sky

Creation calls your name above yet in your mercy and your love

You came to give you life that I might live

I Will Not Be Silent

by David Crowder from the All I Can Say Album

I will not be silent

I will not be quiet anymore

(repeat)

Let My Life Be Like A Love Song

by Tom Slater & Brenton Brown (another Vineyard classic)

Lord the love you give, you give so generously

You were my sacrifice, you gave your life for me

And now I want to Give, just as I received

To live a life that shines, Your love for those in need

Let my life be like a love song

Let my life be like a love song

Let my life be like a love song

to your heart

So let justice roll, like an endless stream

flowing through my life to the poor and weak

Let the things I do and words I speak

Reveal the awesome love you have shown me

Is this thing on?

Okay, so for those of you whom I have talked to about blogging, you may have heard me say that I am not so sure I want my thoughts to be able to be available for the world to read. However, this year I am interning in the St. Paul Public School system in a special project called the poetry lab...and in it I am teaching students to use writing as a way to express themselves in ways that they maynot have done in the past. Therefore I am going to challenge myself to do the same...so here it goes.